Have you ever had a disagreement with someone? You made a suggestion and the person misunderstood your intentions. You tried to explain yourself but the preconceived notions prevented understanding of the matter. However, conflict resolution can only occur when both parties are open to listening and finding common ground.
The Story: Numbers 32
In Numbers 32, the sons of Reuben and Gad had large herds and needed space for their family and livestock. They noticed that the land of Gilead possessed an ample supply to fulfill their needs. However, the land was on the east side of the Jordan and not part of the Promised Land. Nevertheless, they asked Moses if they could reside in the land.
Moses asked the sons of Reuben and God if they planned to remain in the land while everyone else went to capture the land promised by God. He further inquired about why they would sow fear into the hearts of the remaining Israelites. In addition, he advised them of how fear led the Israelites to spend 40 years in the wilderness because 10 of the spies didn’t believe in God for the land.
In response to Moses’ passionate speech, the sons of Reuben and Gad clarified their position on the matter. Although they wanted the land of Gilead, they would continue to fight and conquer with the rest of the Israelites. They would leave their family and cattle in Gilead and only return after the rest of Israel settled into their land. As a result, Moses agreed to the terms of the conflict resolution and explained the terms to the other leaders so everyone was in agreement.
The Lesson
Conflict is natural and everyone is different. Despite differing opinions and ideas, conflict doesn’t have to mean the end of relationships. Thomas Crum, an author, once said, “The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflict, but on how we respond to them.” If there’s a negative response, conflict remains. However, a positive exchange yields progress. Therefore, conflict resolution is possible.
How do we resolve conflict?
- Actively Listen: Each person needs an opportunity to express himself/herself. As one person speaks, the other listens intently. Meaning, ears, eyes, heart, and mind are open to the words from the other person. There’s a complete absence of listening respond.
- Removal of I: When attempting to resolve a conflict, one can’t focus on self. As long as there’s an inward focus, one can’t find a common ground. When there’s a focus on I, there’s no hope for we.
- Find Common Ground: Both parties may not agree on all aspects; however, finding commonalities creates wins for all. Therefore, calmly discuss the matter and determine how to move forward. With each person’s input, progress is inevitable.
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Mahatma Gandi
